Said Fan, ________________________________, agree to represent Said Team, _________________________, for principle time frame of __________, under the following terms.
Said team aforementioned will make an effort to do everything in their power to compete for a championship, or compete hard enough so that said sports fan aforementioned won’t be embarrassed, receive apologies, or mentally examined for cheering for said team. If said team is able to do so, said fan will provide said team with the following:
Irrational obsession, Loyalty, Monetary investments towards events and paraphernalia, paint towards odd areas of the body, constant argument(s) in said team’s favor in any location
If said team fails to comply, said sports fan has right to exercise clauses including, but not limited to:
Bandwagon Clause-contract is null and void and said fan is able to root for favorite player’s team or any franchise with a history of winning.
Hater Clause-Said fan is able to root for the demise of any franchise that has repeatedly kicked the ass of the previous team said fan used to root for.
Love of the Game Clause-Said fan can become a fan of the game as a whole and enjoy the art and the craft the game has to offer without committing to another team.
“Stan” Amendment–Said Fan is able to opt out of the current contract and root for favorite player to win or “get his/hers” as if they lived vicariously through the said player.
Once fan becomes a fan of said team aforementioned, fan is required to fulfill the remaining of the terms above unless fan opts out. Fan is only eligible to opt out for the Bandwagon Clause once per contract. If said clause is chosen, fan will have to fulfill the remaining terms above with new team that fan opted to choose (also known as the Sixers Act).
If fan follows the “Stan” Amendment, fan must be placed into the default clause, recognized as the Love of the Game (LeBron James Act).
If fan chooses the Hater Clause, said fan continues to uphold contract with team aforementioned as long as they recognize that they are exempt from fandom under any additional team (i.e. Chicago Bulls, Miami Heat, and any other team that has been manhandled by another superstar or team).
I hereby acknowledge that everything that was mentioned in the following contract is true and will be upheld in the court of fandom. Failure to adhere to agreement will lead to the violations including, but not limited to, being called out in the local barbershop(s) and chastised on social media.
Date ____________ Signature ________________________________________
*Prepared by Hamm, Jenkins and Anderson Law Firm aka 94 Feet of Life*